OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
