1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
