yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
