No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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