I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
