i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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