She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
tell me about the fingering
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