Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
