tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
