she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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