whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
