At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize