i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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