I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
