just tell him i said nine months
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
