he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
