Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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