hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
