Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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