She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
