omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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