just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
