Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
