his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize