I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Randomize
