Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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