We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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