Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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