Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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