Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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