i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
