Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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