You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
