i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
