Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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