Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
