dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
