im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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