just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
