Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
