I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize