just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
