The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
