I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize