My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
