Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
