Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
