My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
