I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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