NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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