I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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