don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
