You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
