So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
