I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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