Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
