i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I supernannyed him into submission
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
