My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
