Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
