Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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