my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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