I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
