We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You need Xanax blowdarts
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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