Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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