wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
