It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
