I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
