On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
