three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
