btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
