you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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