This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
