i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I supernannyed him into submission
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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