i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
