I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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