can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
