so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
