your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
