you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
someone owes me an orgasm
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
