Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
