So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
