He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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