I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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