During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
