We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
