She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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