we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
