I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We left the knife in your bed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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