She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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