she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
