Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
