I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
