She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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