You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
