your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
