my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
