i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have tasted many bathrooms
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
